“Grace – The Other Visitor”
by wishfull-thinka
Summary: Events that transpire after someone else visits Sam on the Prometheus.
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: "Grace – The Other Visitor"  
  
AUTHOR: wishfullthinka  
  
EMAIL: wishfullthinkayahoo.com  
  
CATEGORY: Romance, Angst  
  
SPOILERS: Grace / Legacy  
  
SEASON: Seven  
  
RATING: General   
PAIRING: Sam/Jack  
  
SUMMARY: Events that transpire after someone else visits Sam on the Prometheus.

This is my first fanfiction, yes I'm a newby so please be gentle. My thanks go to GateSeeker2 for her encouragement and inspiration and to all those other brilliant authors out there.

This story picks up from when Colonel O'Neill leaves Sam on the Prometheus in Episode 713 - Grace:

As the Colonel left his words echoed in Sam's ears; "I wouldn't ask you to give up your career….your career….your career." She was so tired; her head was pounding in rhythmic accompaniment to the beat of her heart. What did all this mean? Was she imagining everyone? Was some alien force messing with her mind as Teal'c had suggested? It had happened before, it could happen again! Poor Daniel, how he must have felt when he heard the voice of Machello when nobody else could. When he saw strange figures that nobody else could see… Was the same thing happening to her? She just couldn't think straight. She could sort of understand why SG1 and Jacob had materialised. At least they were part of her life, but what really confused her was the child. Who was she and where did she fit into the greater scheme of things? Remaining on the floor, with her hands cradling her forehead, she finally allowed the dam of tears to burst and they streamed in a torrent down her face. "Why oh why is my life so complicated?" she demanded. "Why does nothing ever come easy to me?" Why do I have to fight so hard for everything?"

"Because you always expect too much from yourself Sammie," a gentle voice replied. "Because you keep trying to climb the hill even when you've reached the top." "Because you can't see yourself as others do and because you have never appreciated your worth." "Your life is complicated because you complicate it."

Sam slowly raised her head from her hands to look at the person before her, eyes wide in recognition and amazement. This situation was becoming like some twisted version of a pantomime her parents had taken her to. It was called the Christmas Carol and had ghosts who visited a miserly man named Ebenezer Scrooge. They gave him advice and warnings of past happenings and future possibilities. Those were happier more simplistic times; she had been a small child and part of a happy loving family. The SGC shrink McKenzie would have a field day with her if he were here now. He'd probably lock her in the same padded room he'd put Daniel in. The whole situation seemed so ludicrous. Sam started to snigger and then to laugh, a hysterical laugh born of fatigue, pain and confusion. The laughter soon turned again to tears which grew rapidly into body wracking sobs.

Her latest visitor sat down beside her and cradled Sam in her arms. "That's right Sammie, let it all out, have a good cry," she soothingly murmured whilst stroking her hair. "It's been far too long in coming, its time you let it all out." Years of pent up emotion were suddenly released in the moments that followed. Years of trying to succeed against the odds; a woman in a predominantly male environment; of always having to be not only as good as but better than her peers; of holding back and bottling up the emotion, the insecurity, the anguish….the woman.

Sniffing in between sobs Sam whimpered, "You're not really here, you can't be, you're not real." Strangely though she felt comforted by the arms about her shoulders. It had been a long time since she had felt the reassurance and strength that came from this familiar embrace. Jacob had done his best but had never been very tactile in his parenting. Sam's breath caught in her throat as she tried to regain some composure, some semblance of control.

"I've always been here, with you…. You just couldn't see me before."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to my 3 reviewers, it's nice to get feedback and its great that it was positive.  Well done for guessing it was her Mom – bit obvious wasn't it.  Well here goes the next chapter.  Sorry about the really long paragraphs but Sam was rambling.  Hope you like it.

Chapter 2 

 "I've always been here, with you…. You just couldn't see me before," her mother replied.  Sam was far to exhausted to argue the laws of probability and physics with a ghost so she just accepted as she had done with SG1 and Jacob that it was her own subconscious that had conjured up her Mother.  Allowing herself a moment of indulgence she sobbed, "I've missed you mom, I've missed you so much". "I know my love, I know and I'm so sorry I had to leave you, I'm so sorry it has been so hard for you". 

Shifting her position and sitting up Sam faced her mother and backhanded the tears that were streaming from her eyes "I suppose you have some sage advise for me like everyone else?"

 "You already know the answers darling, you just aren't looking at them from the right angle".

Her brow furrowing in confusion Sam replied, "I don't understand what you mean?" 

"Do you remember what my life's ambition was?" 

"You wanted to become a dancer but Nan and Granddad thought it was a stupid ambition and sent you to secretarial school.  Soon after that you met Dad and then had Mark and me". 

"That's right, and do you remember when you were young I wanted you to go to ballet classes?"  Sam remembered, she remembered only too well but did not want to revive that particular memory so she just looked down at her hands that were busy picking imaginary lint off of her uniform.

Her mother continued, "I so wanted you to have the opportunity I didn't have.  I wanted you to become a world famous dancer but what I should have realised was that it wasn't what you wanted".  "It was Mark who told me you hated every minute of every lesson".  He said you didn't want to tell me because you couldn't bear to hurt my feelings".  "Do you remember what I said to you when I found that out?" 

"As I recall you were very upset". Sam replied, "I thought at first I'd done something really bad and you were going to give me hell but you sat me down and told me you were so very sorry".  "You told me you were wrong to try and live your life through me".  "You told me I had one life to live and that every moment of that life is precious".  "You said it was my life and although I should listen to others who would advise me how to live it, ultimately it was my choice and my choice alone which direction it should go in".  "You made me promise to always tell the truth and said that living a lie is as bad as not telling the truth". 

"That was wonderfully recited Samantha", her mother scolded, "but did you ever really think about it or understand what I was trying to tell you"? 

Sam looked sheepishly at her mother.  "No I have to admit that it all went over my head".  "I was just so glad I wasn't in any trouble and that I wouldn't have to go to those ridiculous ballet classes ever again". 

"Well darling you are older now and a hell of a lot wiser…. "  "Think about it now Sammie and be true to yourself".  "Always remember I love you and that I will always be with you".

With those parting words and one last kiss on Sam's forehead the 'ghost of mother past' stood and vanished as quickly as she had come.

"Be true to yourself" Sam recited the words over and over in her head. God how her head hurt, and she was sure her last meal was about to make a re-appearance.  She looked at her watch, it had been 4 hours since she last took some painkillers, a few more may ease Thor's hammer that was resounding in her head.

She hauled herself onto very shaky feet and headed for the infirmary.  Snatches of recent conversations danced in and out of her brain.  "You've always wanted to study this cloud and now you're in a hurry to leave it", "you deserve to love someone and be loved in return", "I would never ask you to give up your career", "be true to yourself".  "It's time to let go of the things that prevent you from finding happiness." "Life beyond ambition and career." What did it all mean, what wasn't she seeing?  She had followed the career she had wanted, the Air Force was her life, always had been in fact, even in those early days after her mother had died it was the Air Force that had kept her going.  Her father had not really handled the death of Mum very well.  Of course Mark had made matters worse by blaming Dad and the Air Force for her loss.  It had made Dad pull away and become more distant.  It wasn't Dad's fault he couldn't be there to pick Mom up.  He wasn't driving the car that careered into Mum's taxi.  He wasn't to blame but Mark didn't believe that and neither really did Dad so he didn't know how to handle his own grief let alone hers. So she had done what any military brat had learnt to do. She pulled herself up by her bootstraps, buried her grief deep down in her soul and submerged herself in her ambition, to become an astronaut and she would do this by the only means she knew, by working her butt off at school and joining the Air Force as soon as she could.  They would sponsor her studies and give order to her life and in some ways give her a family which was something she felt she had lost. 

Daniel's comment about the cloud confused her as well.  Yes of course she had always wanted to study it.  It was a chance in a lifetime!!  Far beyond her wildest dreams which never stretched as far as actually being in a gas cloud!!!  She was an astrophysicist for crying out loud.  But she was also an Air Force Major with responsibilities to the rest of the crew.  She really needed to figure out how the hell to get the ship out of here or she would never see the Colonel again.  Her heart lurched and her pulse quickened at the thought of never seeing Jack again.  She remembered other occasions when the roles had been reversed and it was he who was missing in action.  She wondered if he was feeling now as she had then when unable to get him back.  Thankfully the scientist in her had come up with a solution long after the military had given up and it was the scientist that would find an answer to this problem too. 

Oh boy, first delusions now she was turning schizoid and seeing herself as two different people:  Major Carter the dedicated, reliable career soldier and Dr. Samantha Carter astrophysicist who could give MagGyver a run for his money any day of the week.  Bet he had never blown up a star or saved the world even with a reel of duct tape!!!  She began to laugh a little hysterically but sobered quickly as she heard her laughter echo down the empty corridor.  "Careful Sam" she warned herself "you're beginning to loose it".

She resumed her journey to the infirmary and located a box of Anvil.  Taking two tablets she chanced a glance in a mirror.  "You both look like hell" she told herself but was glad to see the cut on her head had not bled any more and that her musings of having two personalities had not made her grow another head. 

She had never really seen herself as two people before.  Did she have a predominant personality?  Was she more soldier or more astrophysics.  The two were not mutually exclusive as she had been both for many years but she began to ask herself a strange question.  If she had to choose one, which would it be?  She enjoyed being in the Air Force, it was her life, and her stability or at least it had been.  Her dad was Air Force and she had been born into it following her Dad from base to base being brought up with the Air Force well and truly in her blood.  She had never known anything different.  Rules and regulations gave her stability in her life, it gave her order.  She thrived on order, it was what made her a good astrophysicist….. or was it?  She recalled a past conversation with McKay.  He had told her it was her ability to think outside the box, beyond the rules and order that made her so good at what she did.  So was she first and foremost a scientist.  Her ambition all those years ago had been to become an Astronaut.  In that she had surpassed her wildest dreams.  The stargate programme was so much more than she had ever fantasised.  If she had not joined the stargate programme, she would probably never have met the Colonel, Daniel, Teal'c, or Janet.  She could do with a visit from Janet if only to reassure her she was not going mad.  Janet was another 2-part person Major/Doctor.  Of course in some ways so was the Colonel:  The side he chose to show most people: hard nosed, die cast, cynical, 100% honourable military Colonel and the side only those who really knew him could see:  thoughtful, caring, intelligent, funny and in her eyes HOT! Oh so very hot!!!  Her heart lurched again and her temperature rose.  She loved him.  It was as simple as that…. She loved him and the thought of never seeing him again drove her crazy.  After the zatark they had agreed to leave their feelings in that room but now she realised she hadn't left them anywhere, she had simply buried them and tried to deny them.  She certainly wasn't being true to herself there. It was all because of those damm fraternisation regulations, she couldn't tell him how much she loved him.  Damm the regulations.  What good were they anyway?  Just because the regulations wouldn't let her declare her love didn't make her stop loving him.  It didn't make her care any less about him. She couldn't just turn off her feelings because the regulations said she shouldn't have any!!!  It didn't make her a bad soldier; in fact it probably made her a better one.  The bond that all of SG1 shared was the quintessential element that made them such a great team.  The feelings she had for the other guys didn't extend to the sexual ones she had for the Colonel but she loved them all far more than the regs. would probably deem as proper.  At what point does loving and caring about someone become 'dangerous' or 'unbecoming' to the Air Force!!  OK it would be totally inappropriate to display any sexual feelings or actions in front of anyone else but they were adults not hormone crazed teenagers, they could be discreet. 

"I would never ask you to give up your career".  His words again pounded in her head.  That was the bottom line wasn't it?  No matter how much she hated the fraternisation regs. she would never go against them and disclosure would mean the end of her career….. and his.  So ultimately the question was what meant more to her?  She had told him she would give it up if only she knew whether there was a chance for them both.  What did she expect though.  Did she expect him to declare his feelings for her?  No he would never put her in such an awkward position because he cared about her too much for that.

Like a game of ping-pong her thoughts bounced one way and then the other.

Hope you liked it.  Has anyone figured which direction I'm going in?  Only one more chapter to go.  Please review… little button down there on the left…. please….


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:  Well this is it folks, the final chapter.  To me it has seemed like the obvious solution to their dilemma all along.  Hope you enjoy it and I'd love to hear what you thought of it, good or bad.

Chapter 3

"Still don't get it do you Sam"

Sam spun around at the sound of another voice nearly losing her balance as her head protested at the sudden movement.

"Daniel…. I hope you're not here to give me more riddles to solve".  "My head is really killing me and I don't think I can take much more".

"You know for an incredibly intelligent woman you can be really dense at times" he quipped.

"Look Daniel if you've just come to hand out compliments save them for my eulogy cos the way things are going, I think you'll be the one to write it".

"Sorry Sam, didn't mean to kick you while you're down."  "It must be the bump on your head that's slowing down your grey matter.

Sam noticed that Daniel was holding a clipboard and was sketching something.  She tried to see what it was but could not make it out as her vision started to blur.

"I'd sit down for a minute if I were you", Daniel suggested. "You know I said you don't look so good earlier, well now you've gone a deathly shade of pale."  He handed her the remainder of the water she had been drinking and resumed his sketching.

"You know that was what I missed most about my Mum". He continued.

"I'm sorry Daniel, you've lost me, what are you talking about"? she sat on a nearby stool and swallowed the remainder of her drink.

"Her embrace, her touch, the smell of her perfume, they all made me feel sort of …… safe".  "Is that how it was for you?" he questioned.

The tears threatened again lurking just below the surface ready to pour forth if she would but let them, but Sam swallowed hard and in no more than a whisper answered, "Yes, yes that's what I missed most."

"Did I ever tell you I used to go on digs with my Mum and Dad when I was young"?  Daniel continued not waiting for a reply.  "They were the happiest days of my life before I met Sha're".  A sad, wistful look came into his eyes as he stared unfocused into nothingness.

There followed an uncomfortable silence before he continued, "You two were meant to be together you know".  "The odds are in your favour."  "You managed it in two other alternate realities, you just have to work it out in this one".  Sam was speechless, she just didn't know what to say to that and before she could think of something Daniel continued on a totally different track. "Did you know one of the first writings that I learned to interpret were pictographs".  "Dad said I had a natural talent for understanding them."  "He reckoned it was probably easier for a child to read them than an adult because a child tends to only see things in black & white, no confusing shades of grey to cloud the picture."  All the time he was talking Daniel continued to draw.  "I used to draw my own pictographs."  "I used to create stories with them and then give them to my Mum to see if she could tell me the story."  "She was pretty good at reading them too." 

Silenced lapsed about them again until Daniel starting humming a tune.  Sam closed her eyes to try and obliterate the blurriness and found herself picking up the tune and humming it as well.  "I know this one," she thought as her brain tried to put words to the song.  Gradually a few sentences fell into place and she began to recite:

If a picture paints a thousand words 

_Then why can't I paint you?_

_The words would never show_

_The you I've come to know…_

She opened her eyes again and was not at all surprised to find Daniel had vanished once more, but in his place was the clipboard he had been holding.

Sam carefully stood and walked slowly over to where Daniel had been.   She picked up the clipboard and looked at the drawing.

It was more a sort of caricature than a classic drawing.  It showed a picture of the earth, the stars and her as an Apollo moon rocket.  She could see it was a representation of her because the heart of the rocket clearly had her features and the initials Dr.  The outer booster rockets had been given her Major's insignia and were dropping away from the main rocket as it breached the earth's atmosphere. 

Suddenly, like a light bulb going on in her brain, it all made sense.  To get an Apollo rocket off the ground you needed additional rocket boosters to counteract the earth's pull and to get the ship up out of the Earth's atmosphere.  Once that was achieved the boosters were surplus to requirements and were jettisoned.  Thus leaving the heart of the rocket to continue its journey to the stars.

Daniel had drawn a comparison between the booster rockets and the Air Force.  The Air Force had been the means by which she had achieved her ambition.  He had been trying to make her realise she no longer 'needed' the Air Force.  She would still be needed by the SGC whether she was military or not.  Her alternate selves had proved that.  Her position on the team would probably not change.  After all Daniel was a civilian and technically so was Teal'c.  She could resign her commission and then the fraternisation rules would not apply between her and the Colonel.  Her heart quickened as the very thought gave her withdrawal symptoms.  Could she really be considering leaving the Air Force?  What would her father say?  His words came flooding back to her "there is a life beyond ambition and career".  He had been trying to tell her there was more to life than work.  "I would never ask you to give up your career" Jack had said.  She realised that for longer than she could remember she had thought of her position in the military and her work in astrophysics to be one and the same…her career.  Now she was able to see them as two completely separate things. Did Jack see the difference?  .  "What's stopping you if you really want to know".  What had been stopping her wasn't the thought of giving up the Air Force, it was the thought of giving up her work at the SGC and she now realised that they were not one and the same.  What if she gave up her position in the Air Force and he didn't want her?  What if he didn't love her?  She felt panicked like a lovesick teenager.

Taking several deep breaths she tried to think like a scientist, calmly and logically.  On the one hand she had her rank, her work, frustration and no Jack.  On the other hand she hoped she would have Jack and still have her work, both which she loved very much, but she would no longer be a Major.  Would that really bother her?  It surprised her to realise that the answer was no, it really wouldn't bother her at all.  Was it worth taking the risk?  Taking risks was part of her life.  Every time they stepped through the gate they took risks.  Educated, considered, informed risks.  Well life was a risk and weighing up the pros and cons she felt it was worth it, he was worth it.

Her mind now made up she felt at peace with her decision.  How safe a bet was he?  It was the only way to find out one way or another if he felt the same way about her as she did about him.  If he didn't want to pursue a relationship after that then at least she would know for sure.  She couldn't keep on living like this, wondering, hoping… She had to be true to herself!!

Her thoughts were interrupted by alarms sounding throughout the ship.  If she ever got out of this mess she had some important changes to make in her life but for now she had a ship and crew to try and save…………………..

The End (Or is it just the beginning).

A/N  The song Daniel was humming was 'If' by Bread.


End file.
